Back in Aladdin’s day, he rubbed a magic lamp and a giant blue genie would suddenly appear to grant Aladdin three wishes. Things have certainly changed since our very own genie we call the Internet appeared.
We aren’t limited to three measly wishes and we don’t have to get our wishes by rubbing anything — which is sort of creepy, if you think about it. Nowadays, we don’t even have to tap on an archaic keyboard. We can demand visions to appear by simply using a voice command. To be fair, this requires a very clearly spoken voice command. But still, the Internet makes me feel like I’m a queen ordering my jester (Siri) to “en-ter-tain me.” Or, “find me a do-nut shop.”
Granted, there are a few glitches in our modern-day magic genies. For example, the Internet can’t actually give us a royal title like the Genie gave to Aladdin. That is a bit of a downer. After all, who wouldn’t want to be a royal and hang with Princess Kate? Or better yet — with Prince Harry? Or, like Aladdin, play with a fellow Sultan on his mega-yacht?
Nope. The Internet does not have the capability to pass out royal titles. Not even if you try rubbing your laptop when no one is looking.
Believe me, I’ve tried.
But, who needs a title when the Internet can bestow massive wealth upon its masters — even those with little or no intelligence or particular talent? I.e. The Kardashians.
These sisters know how to cash in on one simple Snap Chat faster than Aladdin’s monkey, Abu, can peel a banana. They simply turn the camera on and apply a lipstick they conveniently sell. In 30-seconds they make millions.
Some people really do have a skill or a talent, which would have been limited to entertaining the local village back in Aladdin’s day. But now, all it takes is someone like Justin Bieber’s mother to post a video on YouTube of 13-year old Justin singing and the entire world wants to see more.
So much more. In 2016, Time estimated Bieber's net worth to be $200 million. Because of a YouTube video, this young man can buy a bigger yacht than a measly Sultan. The great powers of the Internet beats out the Genie again.
New talent pops up on the Internet every day. I figure I just need to find my “gig,” make a YouTube Channel, and POOF! I’ll be rich too.
It’s not as easy as it looks. I’ve tried the lipstick thing like the Kardashian sister, Kylie Jenner, and my daughter shut me down faster than Abu peeled a second banana.
Musical talent? Well, I sing. But no one thinks I sing as well as I think I sing. Does that make sense? If only I could arrange a meeting with Justin’s mom…
Maybe I could become a food or cooking expert? I mean, everyone has to eat, so this is a no brainer. Sadly, the only thing I really prepare to perfection is a bowl of cereal. I doubt if even the great Kardashians can turn this “skill” of mine into gold.
The life hacks and craft channels are huge over the Internet. Sadly, I have no crafty talent and my shortcuts aren't necessarily smart or even legal sometimes.
I could try selling life/marriage advice online.Hell no. I write this article just to figure out my own life while purging my marital frustrations.
Health and diet... HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I am obviously not meant to be a YouTube star. Though it’s a bit depressing, I’m not giving up. I’ll keep searching the Internet and maybe someday I’ll find my niche and receive millions of dollars when I post it online.
Until then, I am still able to simply open my laptop and demand the Internet to magically make Bora Bora appear in front of me. Or watch darling little puppies playfully rolling around without the smelly poop to pick up.
Heck, why stop there? Sometimes I want to immediately look into Chris Pine's dreamy eyes. Okay, and I cop to occasionally commanding Thor to appear, "without-a-shirt on."
Sometimes that’s enough.
Jana Vandelaar has worked as a freelance writer in the Keys with a loving family, fun friends and smelly pups for more than 20 years. Check out her website at www.janavandelaar.com for more books available online or ‘Like’ her Facebook page at JanabananaINK for daily smiles about life as she sees and lives it. If you enjoy her articles, Jana has a book titled, “ONLY IN THE KEYS, Snort-Laughing Stories About Life In The Florida Keys.” This is a fun book full of Jana’s most popular articles written for The Reporter since 2008. It’s available at Randy’s Florida Keys Gifts, MM 102.4 or at Hooked On Books, MM 81.9.