If you’ve heard of the movie – “The Princess Bride” – you’re familiar with Vizzini’s favorite word used throughout the movie…“inconceivable.” Vizzini tended to use the word far too often throughout the movie and one of his henchmen, Inigo Montoya, summed up Vizzini’s use of the word by saying, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
I’d have to agree with Inigo Montoya, Vizzini did tend to use the word quite a bit, yet recently I’ve found myself spouting the same word almost every hour on the hour. My life is “inconceivable” right now. Why? Because my family and I are actually moving from the Florida Keys.
For us, leaving the Florida Keys is like Gilligan leaving the island – without the Skipper and the rest of the crew. It’s unheard of, or…
No one in his or her right mind ever leaves the Florida Keys. Well, unless they die. Or get a divorce. Although my hubby, Jack and I are under incredible amount of stress with this move, I’m pretty sure we’re both alive and I don’t think either of us has the time – or money – for a divorce right now.
So, again, this move is simply “inconceivable.”
As always, when I’m frustrated, I write and all of you, my readers, are forced to analyze why this latest thing is happening in my life. It’s fairly obvious I’m still in the denial stage right now. Hence, I’ve become a taller, female version of Vizzini with a lot more hair and a bigger nose, wandering around my house sputtering the word…
Although we are trying to embrace this new path, we’re not entirely thrilled about it. I’ve written before about Jack’s retirement from the airlines as a pilot. (Commercial pilots aren’t allowed to fly after the age of 65 in the U.S.). Unfortunately, the airlines took away most of our retirement back in the 9/11 days and we still have bills to pay. A LOT of them. Sooooo, he searched for a new job and actually found one. After only 18 days of official retirement, he’s now an International Operations Manager for Hawaiian Airlines. For an old guy to find such a great job is (take a big guess here…)
That’s the good news. He has a job (whew) and WE’RE MOVING TO HAWAII! The Hawaiian Islands are one of the few places in the world that rival the Florida Keys. Hawaii’s got the gorgeous water, great food and fun drinks. I’ll have to switch from rumrunners to mai tais. It’ll be tough, but I’m up for the challenge… I guess. Right? I don’t know. I mean, who wouldn’t love having a good-looking man, wearing a grass skirt kiss you while giving you an amazing lei? Duh. But it still means I’ll have to leave the Florida Keys.
“Inconceivable.” No lei, not even an amazing lei, is worth leaving the Keys.
I’m in over my head. And wandering around our house, which is becoming unfamiliar with stacks of packed boxes and massive disarray, doesn’t help. Obviously moving and packing is difficult for anyone, but leaving the Keys – physically tearing away from a place this wonderful and leaving the incredibly special people of the Keys and our treasured friends – seems virtually impossible. I’m pretty much in a fetal position as I write this and it is NOT easy to type in a fetal position.
If I want to stay consistent, I should add the word “inconceivable” after that last paragraph. (There, I managed to sneak it in again.) Honestly, it’s a difficult word to type even with two hands. Try typing it with one hand while in a fetal position. Okay, okay! I’ll be honest. My other hand is actually in a box of Key Largo Chocolates. Thank goodness my vodka has a straw so I don’t need a hand to suck it down while typing and indulging in stress chocolate at the same time.
(Btw – multi-tasking by drinking vodka, eating delicious, sea-salted caramel chocolates while writing – is very much a “CONCEIVABLE” skillset for me.)
I’ve loved living here. I was at the movie theater the other night and talked for a bit with the manager, Eric, who has helped me with treasured birthday parties for my daughter over the years. Eight of them, to be exact. Beginning with her fifth birthday, we’d invite all of her friends and classmates to the theater for each consecutive birthday thereafter. (Until she got into her teens and put a stop to it.) Movie parties were the best way to include everyone and not have a single mess at my house. Instead, Eric and his crew got to deal with it. (Thanks guys!) Our local theater and the crew are just one of many “Key” factors that have and will always be a genuine impact on my daughter’s life. On all of our lives.
Yep, I’m saying it again. This move is absolutely “inconceivable.”
Who would think a simple movie theater would be such a powerful part of our lives? Going to see a movie here in the Keys is like going to one of our grocery stores. You see more friends at the theater than you do at church in any other town. After talking with Eric at the ticket counter, we easily saw five different buddies while standing in line for popcorn. And another three after the movie got out. It’s home. It’s a community. How can we think of leaving this? Again, it’s like leaving behind the movie star, the Professor and Mary Ann…
Although I keep using “that word,” contrary to what Inigo Montoya said to Vizzini, I do understand what “inconceivable” means. The enormity of this move is unimaginable, implausible, unthinkable – but real. The only saving grace, besides the topless men in grass skirts giving me a lei while I sip on a mai tai, is that The Reporter’s handsome (and very wise) editor, Dave Goodhue, is letting me carry on with my column while we’re in Hawaii. So, I’ll be able to stay in touch with all of you and keep you apprised of my “inconceivable” new life in Hawaii.
Until then, I’ll slowly work my way through our incredible life here, packing up for the big move. And, yes, I’ll continue the saga with my next article, THE CHRONICLES OF MOVING FROM THE KEYS – PART TWO: THE BOTTLE (of booze) PHASE.
Jana Vandelaar has worked as a freelance writer in the Keys with a loving family, fun friends and smelly pups for more than 20 years. Check out her website at www.janavandelaar.com for more books available online or ‘Like’ her Facebook page at JanabananaINK for daily smiles about life as she sees and lives it. If you enjoy her articles, Jana has a book titled, “ONLY IN THE KEYS, Snort-Laughing Stories About Life In The Florida Keys.” This is a fun book full of Jana’s most popular articles written for The Reporter since 2008. It’s available at Randy’s Florida Keys Gifts, MM 102.4 or at Hooked On Books, MM 81.9.